Coming into kindness on my own was never easy. Although now I have the proper keys to open those doors, I realize that the mustard seed planted was stronger than the actual tree that bloomed.

My relationship with women isn’t really the best and we all know that about me. I can care and love, but I am weary of the elder trying to “fill-in” the gaps in my life where there’s clearly a person in it doing whatever best they can.

I realized, through their own racism & dislike of others, the mother wound wasn’t created by my mother, or my aunts, but by both grandmothers.

The key was right in front of my eyes the whole time & was told to me by my cousins on the left, by my own grandmother on the right.

Now is the time to break down where I can make my changes so these things don’t happen to me. I be damned to bring another onto MY bloodline for my child to feel the same hatred I felt my entire life, that now has trickled, poisoned, and incapacitated the rest of the blood.

Even if the pain and trauma my sisters and I have endured is DIFFERENT than the pain the rest has been feeling or maybe not at the caliber it was for us now that they are all adults, still doesn’t mean I can’t find the reasons and unlock the doors so we can walk through them and heal.

Maybe the key to us all is to venture out and understand life by taking the step back. Moving away, maybe going back once or twice. Maybe the key is to have the adult stance of a level mind and open heart.

But now that the understatement of the year is “It didn’t start with you” stands….