What are the top 3 blocks you are experiencing right now?
Communicating with people and feeling seen, heard, understood, and not misconstrued. I feel like people expect me to communicate in their love language and I don’t really get that reciprocated in mine. I also feel like people are committed to “correcting me” vs trying to truly sit and LISTEN to what I am saying, feeling, and articulating whether logically or emotionally.
Holding space for myself in a positive way. I stress way too much. The little time I do dedicate to myself I spend trying to numb myself rather than detox myself even when I take spiritual baths, smoke myself out with incense, limpias de huevos, writing, etc.
Focus. I feel like I hyper-focus on a lot of things that aren’t necessarily important or healthy for me so rather than allowing the actual important things to be my main points of focus one by one. I tend to want to do a lot of things at once rather than take my time with one thing.
What are the desires and intentions on the other side?
The intention and desire behind the communication, full and actively, without judgement or misunderstanding is to truly teach me how to accurately articulate “what I want and what I need” without feeling like I have to read someone else’s mind or allowing me to go on a mental spree of trying to figure out “the unsaid”. The desire is to help me acquire better communication skills. Just because I talk, does not mean everyone respects how I do so or understands where my heart is.
The desire and intention behind me holding space for myself is that I expect it from others, but I don’t do it for myself as often as I should. I don’t sit with my pain as a way to purify myself, which is what the new goal is to do.
The desire for better focus definitely stems for a more logical thought process as I feel like sometimes it does interfere with my listening skills. The intention behind that is to become a better backbone for myself and others with comfort, ease, and objectively take on what needs to be done vs what can wait.
In order to get those desires, what in you must die for something new to be reborn?
What has to die inside of me is the perceived fear I have that I cannot trust anyone to not hurt me. I have a very hardcore complex that it is very much “me vs. the world” because I have watched my own blood hurt me before I was even old enough to understand or know why. I have a fear that I will be proven right, that love is superficial, contingent, and conditional. I have a fear that I know is rooted in seeing and feeling I have no one, but myself, but I know I need to shed that as my village is starting to come back together as they all heal themselves too. It makes things easier for me. But this part of me, I know has to die.
What within you needs to be shed?
Shame. Shame of who and where I come from to an extent. I feel incredibly judged by people who’s families stuck it out through thick and thin, toxic and healthy, sickness and in health, etc. I feel incredibly ashamed of how my bloodline dynamic has resorted to knowing we all are so much better than what people perceive us as, even through times where I think my bloodline is more correct than others.